The Be, Do, Have Paradigm

It is time to step off the hamster wheel, relax and live our lives intentionally.

In a world that praises the hustle, the goal-getter, the driven and ambitious, it is so easy to lose track of joy and its importance in our lives. How do you get more joy in your life, especially when you feel stuck?

How do you chase after something so ethereal? How do you capture a feeling? It turns out, everything we have ever wanted is on the other side of joy. Not on the other side of effort and resistance, but on the other side of feeling good as much as possible.

The Way We Think It Works

This is what we have been told our whole lives. In order to be happy you have to work hard, be disciplined, do not procrastinate, always strive for bigger and better. Do, do, do! This will get you all of the things you want to have in your life: the house, the job, the relationship, the money, the body. Which in turn will make you happy.

Here is the problem with this equation.

• It makes happiness conditional – happiness can only be achieved when our life circumstances are just so. Not only is this impossible and unrealistic, it is false. Have you ever met someone that lives in circumstances that are not ideal (poor environment, living with an illness, etc.) and yet are truly happy and filled with a palpable joy? Sure, you have! Happiness is not dependent on external factors. It is entirely an inside job.

  
  

• It makes happiness fleeting – even if we do manage to create the perfect conditions, often those conditions do not last, or once we get them we want something else.

  
  

• Happiness is dependent on doing more and more – this is why you feel like life is one big rat race, where we keep going and going with no end in sight.

  
  

• Happiness is dependent on having more and more things – there is nothing wrong with wanting more. This misperception is believing that things are the source of joy. Joy comes from somewhere else.

​The Way It Actually Works

Stop the hustle, drop the to do list and focus on things that make you feel good, right now. Regardless of the circumstances, stop and choose to focus on the reasons you have to be joyful.

Once you are literally in your happy place (a state of joy and contentment), take action towards the things that bring you the most satisfaction and this will inevitably bring you everything you ever wanted to have.

A Case Study in Practical Joy

Once upon a time, I was stuck in the most miserable job ever. I used to wake up every morning dreading the thought of going to work. I even cried on my commute once or twice. Determined to make a change for the better, I started looking for work.

I looked for work all day long, with particular intensity during my work hours when I was at my most desperate. Unfortunately, my intense search yielded little results. I couldn’t understand why. I had never had trouble finding a job, but this time it was different. I didn’t want to go to just another job that paid the bills. I had realized that where I spend over 50% of my waking hours had a huge impact in my quality of life and my overall happiness. I was determined to not go from one miserable job to another.

My unwavering prerequisite for my new job was that make me excited to go to work every day. Since my bull in a china shop method was not working, I decided to put the whole “Be Do Have” principals to practical use. This is what I did:

• I started being grateful for my miserable job. How was I supposed to attract a job I loved if I spent the day cursing the job I had? So, I started small: I was thankful for my paycheck, for my computer, for an elevator that worked, for great lighting at my desk, for a comfortable chair, for my boss being in a good mood, for coffee (buckets and buckets of coffee). I also stopped looking for work at work.

  
  

• I started focusing on what I wanted my new job to feel like. When I sat down to search and apply for jobs, I had a clear picture in my head of what that new job was going to feel like. Driving there every morning, day to day activities, how much fun it was going to be, how I would enjoy the people I worked with, how much money I was going to make and how appreciated by work would be. I also made it a point to stay open. If a job felt right but the title was a little off, I applied any way.

  
  

• I would only look for work when I was in my happy place. After listening to my favorite music, playing with my dog, going for a walk, watching my favorite stand-up, only then when I was at my happiest would I buckle down and look for my dream job.

Less than a month later, I got the job I wanted.

Stop the Hustle It sounds easy, but for many of us it is very challenging to stop the hustle. Want to frustrate the heck out of an A type personality? Tell them to drop the to do list and just BE. What the heck does that mean? Are you kidding?

The first question out of their mouths is “How do I do that? How do you stop and accomplish anything? I don’t get it.” That is why I am writing this blog. To give myself and others tools find what we need most: joy.